Emotional Intelligence: enriching & empowering lives
As babies, we begin our journey as perfect, whole beings, full of creativity, infinite potential, and boundless love.
Of course, this is before we accumulate content about our life story. In the beginning, we have no story, nor any attachment to labels or to perceptions of us.
Unfortunately, we don’t spend long enough in this bliss stage. Before too much time passes, we are assigned the first label we identify with; our name.
From here on in, we assign the meaning of ‘me & I’ to this foundational label. It’s our very first sense of self created in the world of social conditioning, and form/thought identity.
Then, one at a time, each comparison, statement and judgment about us sticks to this illusory, yet deceivingly realistic sense of self.
It happens so gradually. It’s almost imperceptible.
It does not take long for us to feel inadequate relative to the constant comparisons. We can understand, even at a young age, the difference between what is socially valued, and who we have been told we are.
So we hide these parts of ourselves that we believe to be the root causes of losing belonging and acceptance. The problem with this plan is that when we do this, we also hide what makes us full of creativity, infinite potential and boundless love.
Life basically comes down to two choices.
Either we sit with the discomfort of the separation of who we have been told we are, from our true self; in order to heal this divide once and for all, and make peace with the whole of who we are;
…or we continue along with our illusion, embracing and curating new stories about us; ones that assuage our fears of unworthiness, and ones that require constant validation from everyone around us to feed our insatiable longing for self-worth.
I chose the former.
Emotional intelligence was my gateway to lean into the truth of my feelings, to do the inner work to reveal their source. Once I understood where along the path I had separated from my true self, my essence identity, in the process of becoming I unleashed the transformative power of complete self-acceptance & self-awareness to live a life I love.
The choice is yours. It’s that simple.
Mastering EQ Core Competencies: Optimal, Long-Term Decisions
When life asks us to meet uncomfortable moments requiring sacrifice, uncertainty, anxiety & even grief, it's tempting to delay or deny the experience if possible.
Disregarding, freaking out, dissent, withdrawal, & protest represent popular choices.
Authenticating the situation with substantive, verifiable, objective evidence, while naming & understanding the underlying reasons why we are feeling the emotions we are sensing, is also a choice.
Only one of these choices is likely to result in a long-term decision leading to an optimal outcome.
We can apply any serious life situation, such as an unfavourable diagnosis, a job loss, or even pandemic behaviour protocols to this model of EQ competencies.
Think about the people in your life.
I'm suggesting that those who demonstrate a consistent ability to rise above situations involving disappointment, fear, pain & suffering all have in common that they seek the truth as fervently as they seek to understand themselves.
This is not coincidence. It's neuroscience.
It's what emotional intelligence is rooted in.
When we choose to master the emotions that influence our every thought & behaviour, we are far better positioned to make decisions that help us and our loved ones thrive & flourish.
It's that simple.
How to Become an Emotion Superhero
Managing our emotions during a time of uncertainty, whether during a pandemic or for everyday life, and using them to effectively inform our next steps in a measured, composed manner demands the emotion superpowers and self-awareness of an Emotion Superhero.
And the truth is…every one of us can become an Emotion Superhero!
Emotion superpowers demonstrate our ability to: sense emotions & use precise language to name them, see how self-defeating, silent self-talk informs our worldview, & how this usually has nothing to do with what we are facing in the moment.
We develop emotion superpowers and self-awareness by building emotional intelligence skills.
I work with the EQ-i2.0® assessment instrument, recognized globally as the leading EI model in scientific research-based validity and reliability, because its 15 skills across 5 competency areas work together to improve our performance, emotional & social functioning, and wellbeing.
We start where we are. It’s that simple.
Shame: The 'S' Word
Dr. Abraham Maslow proposed his hierarchy of needs theory in 1943.
It would not be until 1990 when Dr. Paul MacLean's triune brain model theorized that each area of the brain (brain stem, limbic system, prefrontal lobes), works together.
Maslow’s theory integrating our empathic & analytical brain systems was ingenious.
His theory is that after meeting our needs to be alive (physiological) and stay alive (safety & security), our next most profound human needs are for belonging & acceptance.
Ascending this level can take years, or decades in my case.
Shame was my companion for 35+ years, before I made peace with the whole of who I am.
We do this by getting real about shame: the ‘S’ word - a visceral word; with equally intense feelings ascribed to the emotion.
We fear that uncovering old, buried emotions will cause pain, when really, it's the effort & outcomes from suppressing & resisting them that hurts us more in the long run.
The secret to life is being comfortable with discomfort; perceived & actual.
Discomfort is our main barrier to self-acceptance, self-awareness, love, belonging, authenticity, growth, & joy.
Everything we’ve ever wanted is just beyond its boundaries.
And I know for sure that we can abide it better than we think.
It’s that simple.
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